


tell me jude

by maveytrash



Category: the folk of the air - Fandom
Genre: a bit of angst, after jude returns to elfhame, events takes place at the start of qon id say, thought i’d try sumn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-03
Updated: 2019-06-03
Packaged: 2020-04-07 02:52:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19076005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maveytrash/pseuds/maveytrash
Summary: after jude returns to elfhame, she shows cardan no warmth. refusing to even speak to him frustrates him beyond anything.even after everything they have been through, their attraction reigns supreme and cardan’s persistence and possible slip of his real feelings may crumble jude’s walls





	tell me jude

Cardan’s gaze is heavy on me.  
I do not fidget. I make no effort to talk or move.  
I do not give him the satisfaction of showing him how he affects me, how I both cower and blossom beneath his slate black eyes.  
I will deny how he makes me feel to the end of time. I will never again be subject to any form of betrayal on his behalf. I will wear indifference and silence like armour. My sleeves will never again be bedecked with misplaced trust.  
I know now the true cruelty of the world we live in. Of how easy it is to forget what sinister creatures faeries can be, perhaps because they are so intoxicatingly charming. So overtly beautiful.  
How their inability to lie is secretly a weapon in their arsenal, because they have mastered untruths and trickery. And despite my capacity for lying, they manage to outmanoeuvre me time and time again.  
Memories of the last few months come crashing into my mind. Cardan’s haughty manner has shifted into self assured power. He no longer looks at me with unadulterated hatred, but instead, something of an equivalent capacity, though as to say what, baffles me. Despite what we feel –loathing for each other, loathing for the feelings, or otherwise– there is a heady connection that draws us in. Something that makes us ache for each other.  
Cardan’s frame is rigid, nervous. He shifts his weight from one foot to another. It’s obvious he is intimidated by my stillness, as I continue to stare blankly at the chamber wall. The air is damp in here; cool.  
I dig my nails into my palm at my side and drag my eyes to meet Cardan’s.  
The room immediately feels more charged. An energy beckoning danger.  
I curse myself for the shameful feelings that ensue. I have denied myself, and I have despised myself, and I have tried to discipline myself, but in spite of everything, my treacherous heart betrays me. Again.  
I know I will never escape the folds of this. Fear washes over me at the sudden realisation. Yet I show nothing of the transpiring conflict on my features.  
Cardan breaks the silence.  
‘Jude.’  
My veins are aflush. I almost flinch.  
‘You came back to me,’ he continues, ‘I knew that you would.’  
I dampen the fury burning my chest.  
He takes a step toward me.  
‘Did you miss me?’ A soft smile plays at his lips. I don’t deign to respond. ‘I will admit that I missed you. Not a day passed that you weren’t in my thoughts. I imagined when we would reunite. Though I had not imagined you to be as this.’ He almost winces as he says it. A dark look crossing his face. ‘I expected you to scold me, to yell; to hold a knife to my throat and cut me up, even. But not this.’  
I cannot fathom the sadness etched into his eyes.  
He trails on, ‘It has been days since your return and you are yet to speak to me. To utter a single word.’ He takes another step toward me. I see the gold flecks in his eyes. ‘How much longer do you plan to torture me with your detachment?’  
He is close now. So close. He moves to close the gap, to touch me. I cannot let him. I am terrified how I will react if he does. His hand is mid air when I finally speak.  
‘Don’t.’ It’s a raspy whisper, colder than ice.  
He freezes. A whirlwind of emotion passes over him, too quick for me to read.  
His arm is suspended inches away, as if turned to stone. A beat later he drops it.  
‘You do not trust me.’ He searches my eyes. ‘I betrayed you, yes? I caused you humiliation and cast you out.’  
My stare on him hardens, and I grit my teeth.  
Cardan is nodding, softly, almost to himself. ‘Did you ever wonder why?’  
‘What would I gain from that?’ I bite out, ‘As if you would need a reason other than that is what pleases you. I was a fool to ever trust you.’  
The line of his mouth hardens. ‘I wonder… do you hate me as much as you hate yourself?’  
I flinch.  
A part of me wants to do what he expects. To pull out my dagger and rest it on his throat. To covet power as I know to. The image gives me a thrill. Calms my nerves. But I stay my hand. I know he wants me to do something. I know my composure unsettles him.  
I clench my jaw and look away.  
Neither of us speak for a moment.  
I feel his eyes on me. I bite down what I ache to ask. I bite down a million questions.  
‘Jude.’ He says again, painfully lovely. I wish he wouldn’t. I wish that my name on his lips did not sound so pleasing.  
I turn to him, flickering over his face, studying his features. I am lured by his eyes. The dark intensity I have seen before is there, in the shallows. I wonder what he would think if he knew that his eyes haunt me in my dreams. Black ringed in gold.  
I have spent a thousand nights dreaming of him.  
I shudder, my composure slipping. I hate that he is so close, and I hate that a part of me wishes that he were closer.  
‘Speak to me. Say something. I cannot bear this any longer. I fear I will go mad from your quietude.’ His features are softened, vulnerable, anguished. I feel a surge of something approaching pity and chide myself for my weakness.  
I have never seen him quite so perplexed. There is a knot in his brow and his eyes are alight.  
‘Jude. Tell me.’ he whispers. He is so close now.  
My heart is no steady thing. I swallow.  
I feel myself coming undone. It feels a lifetime before I do something I reproach and give in.  
‘What do you will me to say?’  
His eyes burn mine, charcoal and embers.  
‘Tell me how you feel. Tell me how I hurt you,’ he hesitates, ‘Tell me that you love me.’  
My eyes widen, my anger flares.  
‘I don’t.’ I say.  
‘Don’t what?’ He is moving ever closer, his fingers now a tangle in my hair. His breath like fire on my skin.  
He touches me and I want to die. I want to cut out the part of me that is so keen on his touch.  
‘Love you.’ I whisper against his lips, which are moving against mine. I do my best not to lean forward. To not give in to him.  
‘I don’t love you.’ I am at once glad that I am capable of lying.  
He’s kissing around my mouth, ‘I don’t love you,’ Lips graze my neck. Elegant fingers caress my jaw. ‘I don’t love you,’ I tell him. ‘I don’t-’  
He cuts me off with a fierce kiss, a tender hunger burning through. His hands are drawing me in, further pressing me into his body.  
I do not have the strength to push him away. I do not think I want to. My desire overtakes my reason.  
‘Jude,’ he whispers, prays, moans. He says it again and again, as if casting a spell.  
He kisses me for all the time he couldn’t kiss me. Holding on to me like he fears I will disappear. His scent is honeyed jasmine and wine. I fear I will get lost in him forever.  
I break away slightly, ‘Tell me, now’ I say.  
His eyes are glazed over with want, longing.  
‘Tell me that you don’t love me.’  
He looks at me, suddenly somber, and exhales, half frustrated, half resigned.  
‘I cannot.’  
My heart shatters in my chest. I don’t want to believe it. I will not be made a fool of again. No matter how exhilarating this is, no matter how resigned I am to his touch, no matter what I feel simmering inside. I cannot let myself be made a mockery of.  
But then he touches me again and I remember what another human amongst faeries said to me once.  
I would have burned my fathers mill to the ground to have him touch me again.  
Cardan’s touch is gentle but ardent. Slow, yet desperate.  
I realise with a start that he is savouring this moment, perhaps because he is uncertain if it will happen again. As if he is lost in my breath as I am in his.  
Hands tug at clothes and hair and skin. He pushes me back until my back touches the dirt wall. I whimper in his embrace. He nibbles at my neck and my last ounces of restraint are coming undone. His body presses firm against mine. And I feel we were moulded for each other.  
I am lost in the sensation. I am lost in him.  
I finally let go.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading :) hmu if y’all have suggestions on what I should try writing, or any feedback plsss


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